When did you come to the UK and why?

I came in June 2010 because of Ben (her then fiancé). At the time, he was already working and whereas I was just finishing my Masters' degree in Torino. I was also working at the same time but it was not a stable job, only a temporary one. So it was not worth it and at that point, we decided we wanted to live in the same country. I realised it was a lot easier for me to move here because he had a stable job so I came to Newcastle.

 

Did you find it challenging living in the UK after you moved here?

It was more challenging than what I thought. Even before meeting Ben, I had considered a career abroad, maybe not for ever, but at least for a good period. So I was quite happy to do so and I thought that it would be a good challenge. I didn't think that it could be so difficult. I thought that it was going to be quite similar, but it was actually quite different. It was quite hard for a few months. At least not at the very beginning because I just moved and was really happy but after three or four months, I really started to find it quite difficult and started to experience the cultural shock.

 

What did you do in order to integrate yourself?

First I think it was a good thing that I didn't like my new environment for a while because in some ways, I needed to adjust myself to the country. I think that there is a period where obviously, you hate everything. But therefore you have a choice: whether it’s too hard and you want to go home or you just try to adapt yourself. It’s not actually something that you really decide but it’s more if you keep trying that it will happen. I think that one of the big things that unsettled me was that I didn't know how things practically worked. The GP the bank, the post office? For some people it was natural but not for me and I felt stupid. People had to teach me every single little thing, which were quite natural for people who had been living in this country. Little by little, I started feeling more confident because I knew how things worked.

 

So did you look for information by yourself for instance?

Actually because I had Ben, it was much easier. I think for people who come here alone, they need to learn all these things on their own. I had Ben so when I was completely frustrated, I knew I had someone who could teach me the way things were done here in a specific way. Something very simple for instance: the GP system here is very different from the Italian one. The way I knew it was that when I was sick, the doctor would usually come to my house to visit me or I would turn up to his cabinet at anytime. That would never happen in the UK unless "you are basically dying". You need to go the GP and book an appointment. So I found it quite annoying because I thought “How can I know when I’m going to be sick?”. Because I didn't understood, I felt in some ways unwelcome. So I think  that when you actually learn this sort of thing, you put yourself inside the system and it becomes much easier. You feel part of the culture because you understand it. 

 

Do you think that the community where you live in Newcastle (Jesmond) helps you feel more integrated?

I think that is very hard to become part of a community in the UK. I don’t know any of my neighbours. I live in an attached house so I know a little bit my closest neighbour but apart from that, I simply know my other neighbours' faces and I would usually just greet them when I see them but that's it. Everyone is focused on their own business. There is not very much the idea of a community. But on the other side, because I’m going to church, people there help me. So in some ways, I feel more confident because I think that I can ask them to help me. I can say that I have met more English people at church than anywhere else. 

 

What do you think about the fact that some women don’t feel integrated because of the language barrier that they face?

Personally, I hate foreign languages, I'm really bad at learning them. When I was in Italy, English wasn't my favourite subject and I never thought I would marry an English person and live here permanently. But English people really make an effort to understand you. In some ways they don’t pretend too much. I think that it’s actually more in your head rather than theirs. Some people think “I only want to speak if I can speak very well” but in general, British people want to understand you and are very friendly. So even if you make a mistake, they won’t be though with you. I have never met anyone who told me “I don’t understand you, speak better”. I think you need to take the risk and try. It’s actually less difficult than what you think. 

It took me a month to understand people in Grainger market (in Newcastle) because they have a very strong accent. I remember that once this lady told me how much I needed to pay and I couldn't understand. She repeated it three or four times and it was really embarrassing. Eventually, she just pointed at the numbers. But after that, I went back there every week and within a month, I started to understand her. And she wasn't bothered about it. This is one the best things about British people: they are very good, friendly, especially in the North of England. So, it’s less scary than what you could think. In some ways, you just need to make an effort.

 

What do you recommend to women who want to immigrate to feel more integrated whether they come to study or they come on a spouse visa?

I think that in some ways, especially if you move because you marry an English person, it’s much easier (for women who come on a spouse visa for instance), to step back and leave your husband do everything for you. But that doesn't help you to integrate and sometimes you need to take the risk to do things even if it is obviously much easier for your partner and that it it can take forever for you to assimilate them. I think that when you do things, you can understand better the society. Another thing is try to meet English people. That is quite hard especially because a lot of internationals try to get together, especially if you they find people from the same culture. So it can be very hard but if you meet some English people, it can make a difference. Another thing that helped me a lot was talking about my experience here with other internationals. They all went through the same phases and can actually teach you how to do certain things and make you more comfortable. I would say that in some ways, you really have to try to decide to be part of the culture. Try to watch the news or any program on television because they will help you to feel more part of the country. I find very helpful to watch movies in English on BBC Iplayer for example. They are amazing and they have subtitles. They help you understand the different accents. Don't forget all the second-hand shops, where you can easily find very affordable books.

If you decide to live permanently in a country, it doesn't mean that you have to lose your identity but you need to be willing to take something from the other culture. Because even living here, you will change. Today, I would say that I’m not Italian anymore but I will never be completely British. I’m more a mix of the two. In some ways, you can always decide, whether to take the better of the two cultures or not. After four years in the UK, I feel much more comfortable because I know how things work and they don’t scare me anymore. I can't say that Britain is my home yet but I can definitely say that I don't feel like a foreigner anymore.

 

Do you consider moving back to Italy?

Ben and I thought about it but at the moment, it is very difficult to find a job in Italy because of the economic crisis. I don’t think we have any chances to find two jobs over there. If that wasn't a problem, maybe. It is hard to move to another country, so in some ways, if you already have made the effort, why would you start all over again? On the other side, I feel quite happy in the UK. The only thing that I really miss is my family. I love Italy but I don’t miss it that much. It’s something that needs to be thought about. I don’t know how things in Italy are at the moment. I would actually have to learn again how to do some things in Italy if I were to go back!